Yes, I'm an only child. My parents died when I was just a kid and my aunt and uncle didn't have any children. I grew up with it just being the three of us in the house and I was okay with that. Sometimes, yeah, I wondered what it would have been like to have a sibling or two. I think that most every only child wonders that at some point. Maybe even ones that have a brother or sister and wonder what it would be like with the opposite. I was happy growing up for the most part, though.

As I got older, I had people in and out of my life that have been like family to me. Some I still consider to be. We all change in so many different ways, but there are still those that I know will always be there no matter what.

It's sometimes weird to think about what my life would have been like with a sibling. Whether or not it was one that was a true brother or sister by my own parents or one that became a sibling when I moved in with my aunt and uncle. I'm sure some things would have been different, but it's hard to really say exactly what those things would even be. Family has always been important to me. So, would have I like having a sibling? Yeah, probably so but all the same I don't regret the life I had.

I still have the people who have been like family to me and even though things haven't always been easy, I don't see that changing.

We had a small dog when I was younger and living with Aunt May and Uncle Ben. It was always old. No matter how old I was or how far back I remember, it was one of those dogs that I always remember being kind of old. Like a grandparent. As a little kid, they always seem older. Same with the dog. After the dog died, I think I was probably in middle school or so, we never got another. I think I probably asked for one, but my aunt and uncle didn't want the responsibility of having a new puppy in the house along with their teenage nephew. Looking back, I don't blame them at all for that.

After I got my own place in the city, I never tried to get any sort of pet. I have enough trouble taking care of myself much less any other living thing. I think the housewarming plant Aunt May gave me right after I moved into the apartment died within a couple of weeks of me having it.

I mostly need to learn to take care of myself and getting work done and not to mention on time before I ever think about trying to care for any pet. Of course I think I could handle a plant or two now. That was several years ago. But even now the animal might run away at the sight of me.

I don't believe in endings. Not really anyway. The end of something only makes the start of something else entirely. Childhood turns into adolescence and that into adulthood. Friendships, relationships, anything. I may not be happy to see a certain time or period in my life end, but everything doesn't end because of it. Even when those who are close to us die, they aren't completely gone. Or they just come back from the dead and prove yet again that nothing ever really ends. I'd like to think that even though he wasn't my biological father, there's some parts of Uncle Ben in me that I can continue to show everyone around me. Aunt May reminds me every time I see her that he's not totally gone from here.

Maybe I'm missing a big picture here or something, I'm not sure, but to me nothing has a definite ending. Memories, the good and the bad, are there. The little things left behind.

I'm probably not being literal enough with this, but it's the way I see things, I think. There are endings, but it's not the end. The director doesn't yell cut.

When I was younger and was still big on presents Christmas morning, there were a few times I'm sure I was a little disappointed. Uncle Ben and Aunt May did the best they could but sometimes when every other average kid wants a certain kind of present, I'd be the different one of the bunch and want something totally strange. I don't remember how old I was or anything else I got, but I remember looking through the JC Penny catalog a couple months or so before Christmas arrived. Did anyone else do that as a kid? Fold down the pages you like and all?

Anyway, what I really wanted was a nice chemistry set to do a few things with. Yes, experiments and such because at least it was better than finding things around the house? Well, I wasn't sure if that was a possibility since having one of those inside the house made Aunt May worried that I'd blow up the whole house, so I wasn't counting on getting that. What I really wanted though? A rock polisher. Do they even sell those things anymore? I have no idea.

Christmas morning came and when I came downstairs to the living room, there were plenty of presents that I loved. Of course, no chemistry set, but I think my uncle was going to try and convince my aunt to think about it again for my birthday. I had a lot of things that I liked, but no rock polisher. Then Uncle Ben had a big smile on his face and said that there was one more gift to open. I thought that he'd pull the polisher out right then. But he didn't.

Uncle Ben went over to the couch and out from behind it came a bright, shiny, new bicycle. What kid doesn't appreciate a brand new bike, right?

At the time I, Peter Parker, would have rather had a rock polisher than a five-speed with a big red bow on he front. But that bike? Well, it came in use for many many years to come after that. I guess that Uncle Ben knew what he was doing.

( Only The Good Die Young by Billy Joel )

I think I have mixed feelings about this one. And am glad Harry didn't get this. Or I hope he doesn't.

Christmas is a busy time for both Peter Parker and Spider-man, but in completely different ways. Crime has a tendency to spike during holiday times and Spider-man is busy watching the streets and protecting the city of New York. Peter Parker is busy with finals, attending fuctions and taking pictures for the Bugle, and he barely has time to finish his own holiday shopping. Aunt May tells him to sit down and relax every once in a while, but Peter isn't so sure that's possible for him right now. He's glad for the few moments that he's able to spend in the quiet or with Mary Jane at either of their apartments.

There's also the watching and waiting to see what Norman Osborn's first moves at SHIELD will be. He's concerned about Harry and is frustrated that he's unable to keep a close eye on him like he'd been able to do while Harry was living in Manhattan, but he's also glad that his best friend is away from the chaos or as much of it as he can be.

He's waiting for Norman Osborn to show his true colors but wonders if he'll work much slower and more deceptively than that. Of course he will. Why throw away the position of power so quickly? But there's also the fact that Norman knows exactly who he is and Peter suspects that Mr. Osborn holds a grudge even after five years.

How does Peter Parker handle stress? He puts on a mask and sits over the city, watching and waiting for the next strike. He sits in his apartment eating through a plate of cookies his landlord's daughter has made him. He spends a quiet night with Mary Jane. He tries to go on about his life and not worry about when the ball is going to drop. Those moments don't always last for too long or at least not as long as he wishes they would.

It had been just over five years to the day that Spider-man had his last stand-off with the Green Goblin. Five years since the Goblin had put Aunt May in the hospital and forced Spider-man to come after him. The Goblin had wanted Spidey to join him in his take over of the city, but they had been on completely different wave lengths. Spider-man wanted to protect the city of New York, not terrorize it. It had been five years since Peter had carried his best friend's dead father's body to his home and left him for Harry to find.

When Peter head the news on the radio scanner, he didn't believe it. Norman Osborn the director of SHIELD? No, it just wasn't possible. Forget that he was a killer and a terrorist, but Norman Osborn had been dead for five years. He'd watched Harry grieve him for five years. There'd just been the anniversary. What did this mean?

Peter wasn't sure what to do when the press release was read another time across the scanner. Norman had supposedly been alive for two years and the information was kept quiet for security reasons. The man was supposedly reformed, but how could anyone be sure? It was crazy. How in the world could he have been alive for so long and no one know? Norman was many things, but Peter always believed that he loved his son in some way or another. He hadn't even bothered to say anything to Harry and Harry had to find out on the news? What the hell.

Five years there'd been so much between Peter and his best friend and he wasn't quite sure how to fix things. After this past week or so, things weren't ever going to be like they used to be, but there was something different in the way Harry spoke that made Peter hope that they could get pretty close.

Peter didn't know what to do. Spider-man didn't know what to do. Shaking his head, Peter forward to try and grasp what had just happened. He wasn't likely to get close to grasping anything anytime soon.

[private]

Sometimes I think my problem is that I hope for too many things. I hope for the world to be a better place for everyone and that what I'm doing will somehow do more good than cause pain. I know I'm not perfect, I think sometimes I screw up as much as I do something right. As much as like helping people, and yes, getting the recogniztion sometimes, I hope for a day when I'll be able to take off my mask and never put it back on again. I've accepted that this life costs me certain things, but I hope to keep my friends and family from losing anything else because of me.

I hope that Aunt May is doing well and continues to stay well. I worry about her a lot being by herself in that apartment so much. She'd probably tell me to hush and don't worry about any of that, but I can't help it sometimes. I go see her when I can, but it's not the same. I worry that she misses my uncle so much sometimes. I miss him on a daily basis, some days more than others, but I know she has to miss him more. They were together for so long and I it hurts to see her lonely even just for a minute.

It's November and I know Harry is hurting more than usual. I know that ultimately I'm partly the cause of some of that. No matter if I was right or wrong that night by not being able to help Mr. Osborn or by being the one to leave him on the couch for Harry to find him. I just hope that he's able to get through the rest of this month with his head still above the water. He can focus on his family, his school, and just have it easy for a while.

I hope that Mary Jane and I are still together at this point a year from now, five years from now and so on. It sounds cheesy, but she's the love of my life and I don't want to screw this up. I want her to know that and I want to be able to grow old with her.

The list doesn't end there, but it's a start. Like I said, I hope for a lot of things.

I couldn't let Harry out-geek me, so here you go.

Click the eggs to make them hatch, please.



The green one is Normie and I am determined that he will hatch before Harry's purple Lex egg.

Well, since Harry mentioned it and I can't just let him take the cake for most embarrassing moment while sober, I guess I need to elaborate. A lot, most actually, of my embarrassing moments are done while sober. I'd like to think it's not quite as bad as maybe the high school days, but hey what can you do. I'm just a science geek from the city trying not to screw up another semester and take a few pictures while I'm at it.

Harry makes a good point with his Britney obsession. Yes, I said obsession because if there's anything about Harry Osborn it's that he never does anything halfway. Something I can respect about him. Anyway, no my most embarrassing moment doesn't have to do with Britney and no matter what my second semester Freshman year physics class says, it's not the time I caught myself humming a few bars to "Oops! ... I Did it Again" during a test because that's the stupid song Harry had on the night before while I was trying to study and the song helped me remember a few key formulas.

I guess it's a toss up as to whether or not this is my most embarrassing moment, but as for publicaly embarrassment was the night of the event with Jonas' son being honored, etc etc. I don't really remember the details of the event. Mostly because I've tried to block them out, but that part doesn't matter. I'd just spotted Harry over by the bar and he was, um, having his new round of scotch. He wasn't very happy with me at the time.

He slapped me. Open palm. Twice. In public.

So, whether or not Harry's new car scene ends up on the internet or in the papers, the youtubers will always have this special moment forever archived for all to see.

( click me )

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If there's a night for predators to prey on their victims, that night easily could be Halloween. It's the night of masks and hidden identities. Spider-man takes special care to watch the streets and checks in multiple times in the busiest locations for trick-or-treaters throughout the city that night. The city has its different locations for children to go and the park is a popular place. Starting and ending mostly before the sun ever goes down, of course. Which is why Peter Parker walks around the park with his camera in order to make sure he doesn't give away his identity of Spider-man.

There's one little difference about this day, though, if Spider-man is completely honest with himself. It's not just the safety of the children and people of the city he has on his mind. You see, Harry Osborn is perfectly correct when he says Spider-man is a ham and would enjoy performing at children's parties. He's not performing (yet) but he sees the minature Spideys walking around with their Goblin baskets of full of candy and he can't help but love the scene.

Spider-man takes pride in the mini versions of himself in that suit and Peter is happily taking shots of the festivities. Jonas will no doubt be disappointed in his new shots of "Spider-man" but he takes the phots anyway and wears a silly smile on his face the entire time.

He's standing over his dead uncle's body and listening to the officers repeat back the location of the shooter. His shooter. Uncle Ben's shooter is driving the car down the highway. The police might be able to catch him, but there's also the chance he might get away, too. One last look at his uncle and Peter runs from the scene, not caring who sees him or what people think. There's no Spider-man suit to change into so he just runs. Soon he catches up to the car all of the flashing lights are after and the shooter runs into a building. The face of the guy he'd let run past him after the match is standing right in front of him now and he's angry. He's so angry. The man tries to laugh at him but then something clicks in Peter's mind and he fights.

Peter doesn't push him out the window, but he doesn't save him either. He made the man his problem by letting him get away with the money after the match and he's able to clean up the mess he made for good.

He's late for class after rescuing a family of five from a burning apartment building. He's already been fired from his delivery job. Paper extensions don't seem to be doing the trick when you can't even have a night of peace from the radio scanner and saving the city. "You're one of my most promising students, Peter, but if things don't improve I'm sorry but I"ll have to fail you for the class," His professor says and he stands stunned. He never came close to failing a class in his life. Now he's close to failing out of college.

Peter realizes he can't save everyone. He's Spider-man, but he's slowly starting to realize that he needs to become Peter Parker first and stop letting his mask become a crutch.

He makes promises left and right that he'll be there this time and he'll fill that empty seat. "I know I missed your last show, Mary Jane. I promise I'll be there tomorrow night." He tries. There's a robbery in progress. He fails. The doors are closed when he arrives and he knows he's disappointed her all over again. She looks at him in such disappointment that it cuts the bone. She's seeing someone else. A good man. Someone that's able to be there and fill a seat in her life.

Peter reveals who he is to her and she understands just like he always wished that she would. He was so scared of what she'd think or what would happen to her if she knew. But she's standing in his doorway and says, "Go get 'em, tiger."

He's wrapped up in barbed wire laying on his best friend's couch. Octavius has MJ and now he has the tritium to make his machine all over again. He doesn't move until he sees Harry approaching him and pulls off the mask. There's a look on Harry's face that Peter tries to ignore. He can't do this right now. "There are bigger things happening here than me and you," he says, trying to get through to his best friend, but he knows that look. Harry sees a friend that betrayed him and killed his father, not the vigilante trying to save the day and the girl they've both been in love with. He's not going to see the bigger problem or picture at hand.

Peter has tried to explain to Harry what happened the night his father died, but it still doesn't take away the fact he was the one responsible for his best friend's father's death. There's no explanation that will erase Harry's look of shock, betrayal, and complete brokenness from his memory. They say time heals all wounds, and maybe they're right. Partly. Time passes, trust is restored, but it's still never going to be the same between them. After all, all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

Peter makes a lot of messes in the name of heroism.

For so long, Peter was constantly trying to explain his actions to his friends, family, professors, employers, and so many others. He missed classes, constantly was showing up late for work, skipped out in the middle of the night, lied to people about his whereabouts. It wasn't something he wanted to do, but it's what he felt he had to do. It was important for Peter to keep his identity a secret. His connection to taking Spider-man photos had proved to be risky enough. Peter wasn't going to risk his family and friends by taking off his mask for everyone of New York to see.

His best friend had been angry at him for not helping him catch Spider-man. The woman he loved was constantly caught up in the lies surrounding his identity and shoddy reasons for not being somewhere on time or showing up at all. No matter how much he wished differently or didn't like it, Peter couldn't really blame Mary Jane for the way she felt or things she said. He was the one choosing not to say anything or come out with the real truth.

Lost jobs, poor class results, suffered relationships. All because of explanations that didn't make any sense to anyone, including himself. Peter never was a very good liar.

[locked up tight and never sent? you betcha]

Dear Harry,

I'm not really sure exactly what to say to you about this. You mentioned the other night how you hoped I wouldn't take you pulling away personally with the anniversary of your father's death coming up fast. I won't. No matter the circumstances, I understand. Maybe that's why I wanted to write something like this, I don't know. The truth is, I've written something like this or at least have gone over it in my head so many times before now. I've just never said the words or handed them over to you in some kind of letter. I'm not sure if you even want to hear it, and I understand that. Things are what they are and the last thing I want to do is tear down the last few years and all that we've gotten through by throwing an apology or excuses in your face. But, see that's the thing. I am sorry.

You have to know that I never wanted any of it to happen. I didn't know who he was until that night. You know most of the way things happened now I guess, but I do want you to know that. He had threatened MJ all over again and I snapped. I think that I was ready to.. and then he took off his mask. I know it's nothing the way you felt when you saw me under Spider-man's, but I guess I have a small portion of what you felt that night at the penthouse. I never expected to see Norman behind the mask of the Goblin just like I doubt you expected to see me behind Spider-man's or even finding out that he was the Goblin.

Your best friend killed your father. I didn't put the blade in his chest that night, but there's no way around those words.

There is something I would want for you to know, but I'm not sure if I'll ever tell you. It's not going to make things better, it doesn't change what happened, and it definitely won't bring him back. If there had been another way to save him that night, I would have. I cared for him, too, no matter what had happened between Spider-man and the Green Goblin.

I guess, after everything, I want to thank you for forgiving me. You know who I am and in our own way, we've tried to move past it. I still remember the look on your face when you pulled the mask off of me and I can't take back what I said to you that night either.

I am sorry. I just wanted you to know.

Love,
Peter